Hello everyone, I am the Oracle known as Canary. I am your resident Amazon and Shida Army General that also happens to be the Joshi Prime Minister and I’m here to bring you the Canary Review on Godzilla Vs Kong. Review contains spoilers. (Of course, some dipshit already spoiled it anyways. That’s why we can’t have nice things). Anyhoo, let’s get to it shall we?
So four score and 59 years ago, the third entry in the Godzilla series was released back in 1962. It was only the third film for the resident King of the Monsters but he wasn’t alone. Co-starring with him was King Kong who’s first movie was back in 1933. That’s 26 years before this film. Kong was established as a movie icon right after but fell dormant until Godzilla was created. The first Godzilla film brought keen interest to what was the start of the Kaiju era. But unfortunately, after the second film, the series was dormant for 7 years. (Cue ominous music). In what was originally conceived as a new plot for Kong, the stop motion animator on Kong showed it to a producer who in turn, went behind his back and showed the idea to Toho studios who at the time was responsible for the Godzilla series. They liked what they read but instead of using the monster that Kong was supposed to fight, they replaced it with Godzilla which was a wise idea. (Cue battle music). So the studio went to work and on August 11, 1962, Godzilla vs King Kong was released in Japan to it’s biggest attendance to date, encouraged Toho to continue the Godzilla franchise. The film however didn’t have a clear winner. Theories and conclusions were drawn by everyone who watched it. The only people that know who the winner was were the writers but they weren’t going to tell. To this day, no one knows who the winner was. And we would be stuck without truly knowing for 56 years until now.
On March 28, Godzilla Vs Kong was released in China to a massive box office opening that sparked rave reviews. However, we wouldn’t witness the action until this past Wednesday on March 31 when G.v.K was released to theaters and HBO Max. (cue fanfare). Now that the movie is out, yours truly decided to finally give it a watch and was not disappointed. Being a Godzilla fan, hands down I was rooting for him and quite frankly, the battle was a lot more better than the original. The two titans, went 3 rounds where Godzilla took the first and Kong took the second. Finally in the third round, Godzilla came out on top, pinned Kong down and told him in his cry, “To bow down to the King” (well I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s what he said, I mean after all Kong did respond back) anyways, Kong roared back as in he conceded to him and Godzilla walked away while Kong lay there dying. Now before we continue, let me take you through the events that led to the eventual showdown. The movie starts with a montage of the various battles that happened in their respective films. After the credits, we shift to Skull Island where Kong is being monitored by the corporation known as Monarch. There a woman who is called the “Kong Whisperer”, an expert on Kong, is there to study and her adopted daughter, who is the last Iwi native, communicates with him in sign language because she is deaf. (Note: Iwi is what the natives who live on Skull Island are called. If you watched Kong: Skull Island, you’ll know who they are. As a matter of fact, better go watch that film and King of the Monsters before you watch this one, even though technically I gave you part of the battle but still go watch.) Anyways the little girl’s name is Jia and she goes to visit Kong and tries to give him a doll that she made of him. (Note: Anytime there’s a movie with a little kid, I automatically hate them because if history dictates, little kids are responsible for a lot of bad things. If you don’t believe me, go watch 28 Weeks Later, The Purge and Quiet Place. You’ll understand why I hate kids in movies. Rant over.) After Jia visits him and offers the doll, he looks at it and then looks around and senses something is wrong, he roars and throws a club of some kind at the sky that shows us, the island is encased in a dome. It alerts Monarch there is a breach and they go to mobilize. Now we shift to Pensacola, where a facility that specializes in cybernetics is called Apex. An employee there, who we find out later on who he is, copies encrypted data and realizes something isn’t quite right. Right after he realizes this, Godzilla ends up attacking the base and all hell breaks loose. Fast forward to a high school girl named Madison. (Note: if you watched King of the Monsters like I told you, you’ll know who she is. If you didn’t, why are you still reading this.) Madison listens to a podcast who realize later is hosted by the said employee that just copied some encrypted data whose name is Bernie. Turns out he’s a conspiracy theorist, specifically on the creatures called Titans aka Godzilla and others. Madison hears about the attack and realizes something is off and goes to warn her dad but he doesn’t listen. (Note: watch King of the Monsters). So she takes matters into her own hands, enlists her friend and Bernie and go to investigate. We then shift to the head of Apex, and recruits a man named Nathan Lind, a theorist on what is called “Hollow Earth.” (Note: Hollow Earth is a highly debated subject that a lot of people think is real and some debunk it’s fake. They said the Earth is actually hollow and there is a whole other world inside the Earth. Watch Aquaman and you’ll know about it.) “Hollow Earth” is the home of the Titans and the CEO is looking for a power source which is for…Ah I’m not telling you yet. Guy is hesitant because his brother died on a expedition to it and doesn’t want to be a victim. He goes recruits Ilene who is the Kong whisperer and her adoptive daughter Jia to have Kong help guide them through the “Hollow Earth”. On the way to the entrance point which we find out is in Antartica, Godzilla attacks the convoy that is carrying Kong which leads to round 1 of the fight. After a slight upper hand, Kong is subdued and Godzilla turns around to leave only because he is tricked that he destroyed the convoy by turning off their engines and stuff. Realizing if they stay in the water, it’ll only alert Godzilla so they decide to airlift him to Antartica instead. We now shift back to Madison and Bernie who are sneaking into the destroyed Apex facility. After discovering a transport that leads all the way to Hong Kong, they ride it to the Hong Kong facility and discover that Apex is building…(here comes the reveal for the power source)…Mecha Godzilla. By the way, Mecha is controlled telepathically by a man who happens to be the son of the late Ishiro Serizawa. (Note: As I stated, watch King of the Monsters) In what I like to nickname the machine as “Cerebro” (Nod to Xmen. Did I mention I’m a comic nerd as well?), the machine is set inside the skull of Ghidorah. (Note: you know what I’m going to say next). They need a power source that can overcome the machines limitations hence why exploring the “Hollow Earth”. Speaking of “Hollow Earth”, let’s shift to that team. There we see that Kong has led them to a place that is very similar to Skull Island and discover the throne room of Kong’s ancestors. Which they learn about the ancient battle between the Kong‘s and Godzilla‘s. They find an axe that is made of one of the plates from a Godzilla that turns out to be the key to unlocking the power source that Apex is looking for. They activate it and while that is going on, Godzilla sensing the threat of Mecha Godzilla due to it’s activation, Godzilla heads to Hong Kong. While there, he senses Kong and blasts a hole all the way to the “Hollow Earth”. After an intense stare down, Kong grabs the axe and rushes up to do battle with Godzilla for round 2, while Nathan and Ilene with Jia head up back. During this round, Kong manages to knock out Godzilla with the axe but the respite is only for a moment. Godzilla reawakens and Round 3 commences in which this time, Godzilla is pissed and starts beating the crap out of Kong. Finally after a hard fought battle, and Godzilla manages to defeat Kong and pins him. (Note: Look above) With Kong defeated, Mecha Godzilla emerges and now Godzilla has to contend with that. A battle ensues in which Godzilla gets his ass kicked badly. While they battle, Kong is dying because Jia who has a connection with Kong senses his heart is slowing down so Nathan, comes up with a way to kickstart his heart, and so they do and Kong springs back. Jia signs to Kong that Godzilla isn’t the enemy and points at Mecha and so Kong goes to battle. While this is going on, after being captured and freed due to Mecha turning on its creators, Madison and the others try to figure out how to shut Mecha down. Meanwhile Kong joins the fight and despite both of them, Mecha Godzilla is still too much for them to handle. Before Mecha can finish off Kong, Madison and the others finally stall it, Kong picks up the axe, Godzilla powers it with his Atomic Breath and Kong chops the mech down to pieces. (cue celebration music). After the battle, the Titans acknowledge each other and go their seperate ways. Godzilla‘s whereabouts are unknown but we see that Kong is back inside the “Hollow Earth” which is his home, while Monarch continues their studying. Roll credits.
That my friends is Godzilla vs Kong. If you haven’t watched, I recommend you do but as I said, before you watch it, watch Kong: Skull Island and King of the Monsters, which by the way are both on HBO Max so you can watch all three back to back to back. Isn’t that convenient? Anyways, once again, thank you for reading. I am the Oracle known as the Canary. And this is the Canary Review. And I say to you, #StopAsianHate, #EndtheHate and remember, one love and zero miedo. Shida Army General and Joshi Prime Minister out!
The Musical Hippie 